My boyfriend loves his mother more than me

Dear Sashia Atwell,
My love bucket is so empty! When the weekend rolls around instead of hanging out at the dorm, my significant other, (SO) keeps going home to see his mother. He says he’s doing his laundry! What am I doing wrong?

Dear Love Bucket,
What a snake! Think of having a boyfriend like owning a pet. They need patience, compassion, and love. Just know that male Homo-sapiens are not warm, fuzzy, and intelligent like cats and dogs. They are more like exotic pets that have been trapped and imported from some distant rain forest in Costa Rica. This reptile needs fresh food to kill, a heat lamp, and a cage. So this weekend invite your SO over to eat bloody steak. Then heat things up by listening to Latin Jazz, and as you promise some daring love mojo—handcuff him to your bed.

May your love bucket overflow!
Love,
Sashia (Columnist, Feminista, Psychic)

For more on why significant others do things see: https://www.facebook.com/DearLaney?ref=stream

How the Urban Dictionary defines significant other:

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=significant%20other

AND Feminista:

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=feminista