Which Thigh Are You On?

For your obsession pleasure, Chip Wilson of the popular yoga wear line Lululemon, recently opened the door for women to hate an entirely new part of their bodies for being the wrong size. In an interview with Bloomberg TV on November 5, while trying to get the focus off the fact that he’d had to recall some of his $100 pants because they were see-through, he said that your thighs, if they touch, aren’t good enough for his pants.

What a nice man.

So thigh haters rejoice! Canada’s 10th richest man is on your thigh-hating side! If your thighs do touch, you may not wear Lululemon’s yoga pants. If you have already purchased your $100 pair, and you have unfortunate anatomy, (or, for my pro-ana site, anorexic sisters, merely think that you do), go ahead and wear them, but know that Wilson thinks your bovine chassis stuffed into his perfect garb is not ideal. It does not matter what buffed up your legs: ice cream? Biking twenty miles a day? Both? At once? If your legs touch, you are detestable.

I know a woman who bikes 20 miles a day AND teaches Pilates, whose thighs could kick your thighs’ ass. And the cool thing about that is that you actually have an ass attached to your thighs.

Chip Wilson, would it be OK with you if I was wearing your pants and I crossed my legs when I sat? I don’t think I can do that without them touching.

November has been a rough month for women’s bodies. Lady Gaga’s face was the victim of extreme photoshopping in Glamour, (Our Lady slammed it for being too airbrushy). There was the popular facebook post about a commercial advertising Clean and Dry Intimate Wash (“Freshness + Fairness”), an Indian product that will help you bleach your vagina, because, the gods know, a normal-colored vagina is hideous. Don’t forget the Victoria Secret fashion show in early November, which everybody should just hate in principal because who wants to see a crowd of hungry, half-naked women wearing tissue paper? Oh, right. That nice young man, Chip Wilson, does. That’s probably why he makes his yoga pants out of tissue paper.

My mom taught me not to sit like a man, but my thighs wouldn’t touch if I did that, Chip. If I sat down like you, with my ankle on my knee, would that be OK? Please, please just tell me what to do. I just can’t have any man, or the fashion industry, hating on my body for one more second.

Perfectly functioning thighs come in all shapes and sizes. I know a woman who bikes 20 miles a day AND teaches Pilates whose thighs could kick your thighs’ ass. And the cool thing about that is that you actually have an ass attached to your thighs.

This just in, Chip Wilson’s wife has a perfect rectangle between her legs. It’s good, because how else could she get a square like Wilson between them?

Between the thigh haters and the vagina colorists, what is a woman to do?
Thunder thighs, pencil thighs, hairy thighs, smooth thighs; I’m on every thigh’s side.
I’ll tell you what I did.
I ate a chicken thigh last night in solidarity for thighs everywhere. It was fried, and it was delicious.


Women's right to have the thighs they want

Three sets of thighs speak out: If you’re not for us, you will never, ever, be against us.

Lady Gaga airbrushedcover: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/11/12/lady-gaga-glamour-cover_n_4259305.html

ABC news story about the thigh gap: http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/health/2013/03/25/thigh-gap-new-teen-body-obsession

Model Robyn Lawley talking about how you don’t need a thigh gap: http://hellogiggles.com/model-robyn-lawley-ending-the-thigh-gap-fascination

For more on bleaching your vagina: http://jezebel.com/5900928/your-vagina-isnt-just-too-big-too-floppy-and-too-hairyits-also-too-brown

Model Miranda Kerr in the Huffingtonphost saying she didn’t know her instagram image was photo shopped to slim down her belly:

Are you part of the solution or are you part of the con? http://youtu.be/MzQ-n4RLMC4

Author: Michelle LeJeune

Michelle LeJeune is the editor and publisher of www.readbroad.com. Her life-long addiction to laughter has resulted countless, banana-peel type follies and concussions of happiness.

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  1. I vote we string up all thigh haters and beat them to death with an organic carrot…..

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    • Yes! And throw rotten, organic tomatoes.

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  2. Darling, you need to have links so I can share easily. I will go through the motions necessary, however, because everyone needs to read this. -r

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    • Links fixed and thanks so much for reading.

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  3. Hysterical! You should do stand-up! Thats all there is to it!

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    • Well, I was standing up in the photo….:) Thanks for reading!

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