Sashia Atwell on how to get your guy, every time

Dear Sashia Atwell,
My boyfriend just dumped me, what am I going to do?

Dear Dumped,
What a snake! I am so sorry for your heartbreak. It’s his loss. He didn’t deserve you! Right this second, get online (after you are done reading this awesome column) and order one of those pre-peed Early Pregnancy Tests.

You know the one—an enterprising sister who is “preggers” decided to start a business selling her positive EPT strips. You order it, she pees on it, and then you get it in the mail. Two days later, you will posses the deadliest three-inch weapon in the history of the world. Now you can say proof positive, “I have a bun in the oven and its yours.”

From there the snake is at your mercy. Do you want to scare the crap out of him? Do you want to see him cry? Perhaps you’d settle for a marriage proposal?

Don’t get dumped—get even! Congratulations, “Mama!”

Sashia (Columnist, Feminista, Psychic)

Author: Sashia Atwell

Sashia Atwell is a community college student with lots of opinions. Her family is unwealthy, so that’s why she goes to community college. Also, she hates the word poor and how old people refuse to learn to text.

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