An apple a day keeps the doctor away!
Healthy Living enthusiast, Dr. Marsha Giacanseeyerassfermyles, from the Rich and Fancy School of Health and Fancy Pants is a big believer in that old saw.
“In layman’s terms that means if you eat right, get enough sleep, and participate in regular exercise, you can live a healthy, happy, long life,” Giacanseeyerassfermyles said. “Sleeping and eating are particularly important.”
The healthiest people find ways to combine sleeping and eating, she said.
“If you’re eating something, and you see a bed, don’t hesitate to fall right into it. Remember, this is your health you’re talking about,” she added.
Take this quiz to see if you are on the right track to health!
1. My favorite time to eat:
a) Whenever I am awake.
b) Even when I am asleep.
c) When I have my footie pajamas on.
d) When I hear the song ‘Billie Jean’ or anything by Michael Jackson or anything with music.
2. While eating I am:
a) Totally focused and in my zone.
b) Usually crying.
c) Mostly drunk.
d) Also driving or changing a diaper or texting or breathing.
3. Using a dipping sauce while lying in bed is:
a) An acquired skill that most humans are not born with but which I have mastered.
b) Handy, as my sheet makes a nice napkin.
c) Just a fantasy at this point.
d) Does milk count as a dipping sauce?
4. The best kind of exercise for me is:
a) Taking a shower once a week.
b) Playing with my ferret in our special playroom.
c) Sit ups. (And by sit ups, it means when I sit up in bed.)
d) Running a 5k once a week.
5. The last time I went to the gym was:
a) Two years ago. My brother works there and he owes me money.
b) Fourth grade P.E. class.
c) Isn’t there an app for that?
d.) I’m at the gym right now.
6. When I am stressed I tend to:
a) Frantically fuss with my hair and/or, pick my skin and/or drink hard liquor and/or have a bleeding ulcers.
b) I’m sorry, were you saying something?
c) Drink tequila and ‘text’ my old ‘roommate’.
d) Quiet my mind, quiet my soul.
e) I can hold a flame to my open palm.
7. A nap to me means:
a) Something I do in my car at lunch. And when I get home. And before breakfast.
b) Wearing my sunglasses while at work with an Excel spreadsheet on my screen.
c) Drinking tequila.
d) Practice safe sex.
8. When I am confronted with a problem in life I tend to:
a) Run. Far. And fast.
b) Slap a bitch.
c) Drink tequila.
d) Face it head on wearing my cape and protective eye gear.
9. The word yoga conjures up:
a) Creamy white cultures with fruit on the bottom.
b) My hot yoga teacher standing naked before me.
c) Sweaty balls.
d) VERONICA…My first year of college. I needed the money and was a lesbian for only a semester. Veronica…
10. A healthy meal for me would consist of:
e) All of the above. (phrase submitted by blogger, Guapola, http://guapola.wordpress.com/about/ Thanks!)
11. My current favorite workout is:
b) Sit and be Fit with Grandma.
c) Taking a shower once a week.
d) Doing yoga with Veronica.
e) Drinking tequila with Veronica.
f) Eating chocolate chip cookie dough while watching Hoarders.
What your scores mean:
Hope you were snacking on a handful of healthy grapes while taking this survey! Who can cut open a passion fruit anyway?
So here’s the skinny. First, add up all your letters. If you have mostly A’s, you didn’t really try too hard, probably didn’t even read the other options, and are probably secluded in your home right now and unable to remove yourself from your abode without a crane or piano movers. You will die soon.
Mostly Bs, means you do like beer.
If you have at least two D’s, Veronica has a restraining order against you and you need to knock it down a notch.
Any C’s indicate you are probably a ‘middle child’ and pretty non-committal overall.
If you saw the word ‘health’ and threw up in your mouth a little bit, count that as a person who chose mostly A’s and read above.
If you had, like, one D, two A’s, a C, and an occasional beer while you were taking the survey, you are probably not eating grapes right now, but can call me as I am free most Saturday nights.
If you picked D for survey questions #4 and/or #5, you don’t even need to take this survey, you asshole. Try eating in bed once in a while. It’s good for your heart.